The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize