i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so much tequila, so little girl.
i now understand why vodka
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
