so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize