two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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