Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do vagina's smell?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize