No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
NoShamevember. You game?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
