Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
