We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
