What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
