Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize