Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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