They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Someone came in the potted fern
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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