someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
