I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
