remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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