She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize