Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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