i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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