That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize