Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
