Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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