I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
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You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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