I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
