i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
