If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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