I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
