She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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