PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
