Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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