I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
