he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
