so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
