I think my vagina is haunted
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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