Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Drake has all the answers
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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