Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
