when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
