Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
