and you said cock pushups were impossible
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
