i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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