I heard we made out
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
