I wish I could punch you in the face.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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