I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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