Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
