After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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