I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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