And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
