i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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