I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
