so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is Oprah even human
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
