so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Bring me that man meat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
