His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize