I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
