you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
