i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
