Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
