Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
