Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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