My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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