oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
