On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
