wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize