CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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