my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
