Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
