Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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