Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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