her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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