We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
